Ah, the lure of home ownership! You’re just hanging around in the knapweed, let’s say, which tastes like a mixture of road tar and BAAHHH, and thinking, ah, a bit of leafy goodness and a shlurp of water, that’s the thing. But how, how, how? Worry no more. One of my friends has shown me the way. 

Step 1. Hanging Out

Hungry in the Knapweed

And in need of a personal groomer.

Step 2. Hey, you own the place, right?

If it itches …

… yeahhhh.

Step 3. Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. 

Well, what did you think the horns were for?

Mating rituals?

Step 4. After a couple seasons, one gets really good at this.

This is Why You Should Not Shoot a Buck in His First Year or Two

He hasn’t mastered the ballet moves yet. And to think that one of his neighbours honked at him to annoy him, sheesh.

Step 5. Water Water Everywhere…

And not a drop to drink.

Dang.

Step 6. Move in.

The Good Life

Seeing as the way is blocked to get down to the lake and all the water and green stuff down there, well. Well well well.

 Step 7. Somehow it’s just not enough.

One Longs for Recognition of One’s Land Claim by National Institutions, You Know

Like Canada Post.

Step 8. Nothing Like Nationalism …

 …to Bring Out a Bit of Noble Bearing from a Bad Situation

Canada? That’s so 1867!

Step 9. Coup d’état!

Proud Homeowner Surveying His Domain

Well, those are the 9 steps towards revolution. Good to know, right? But there is some fine print that was at first unclear. Specifically, every country needs a military to defend its national identity. Now, we know from evidence that those antlers serve as excellent military defenders against the attacks of ticks and fleas, but what about larger invaders? For instance, what if …

The Commander in Chief Spying on a Careless Enemy

Specifically: small lap dog with a big bark.

What are you going to do? Now, remember: no horns.

Yeah, that’s it!

Swear. (Note: the noisy beastie stopped barking, too.)

So, consider this relic of a past age:

A Jersey Cow with Caribou Antlers? Really?

So much for German-Canadian artists in 1937.

How about a dose of reality:

Please!* No Dogs!

* Euphemism.

The True North: strong and free.